


Mother, Mother

by DearDeertheDeer



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: But everyone has a mom, Gen, I'm scared, Listen I'm not trying to make the evil Green Bean less evil, Please be gentle, Talking about Raishan's mom, Talks about her death, lots of headcanons, this is my first fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 16:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19772233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearDeertheDeer/pseuds/DearDeertheDeer
Summary: ~"Never lie, my Raishan, only cowards and monsters lie. It is braver to honest. It is a sign of strength, that you do not fear the truth"~Raishan, in her last moments of coherent thought, thinks back on her life, her mother, and what led her here





	Mother, Mother

**Author's Note:**

> ~This is my first fanfiction, please be kind. And note, I’m not trying to portray Raishan as any less evil than she was. I just see her as a complex character, and everyone has a mother~

_“She is so small, Varuka, surely you aren’t expecting her to live.” “Of course I am. Now get out, I’ve tolerated your presence here long enough.” The red dragon, now a newly minted mother, dismissed the other in her presence, before smiling down at the tiny green hatchling, small even for her age, who stared back with big yellow eyes. “You’ll show them all, won’t you? You’ll live, I know you will.” There was a fierce pride in Varuka’s voice. “Perhaps you will not be very large, but you will be clever, and you will be beautiful. My Raishan. They’ll see.”_

Perhaps, Raishan thought bitterly, she knew all along this is how things would go. Vox Machina, for all their shortcomings and idiotic tendencies, were nothing if not persistent. And, Raishan knew, she was not as strong or powerful as the others of the fallen Conclave. Raishan lied a great deal, but she tried to refrain from lying to herself. 

_“Never lie, my Raishan, only cowards and monsters lie. It is braver to honest. It is a sign of strength, that you do not fear the truth.”_

Fear. Was she afraid? It certainly wasn’t a feeling she was accustomed to. Pain, pain she knew. Her insides were slowly being eaten away, rotting and festering, cutting under the surface of every living moment with a dull aching throb. 

_“I am not big like you, Mother.” It was night and they were preparing to sleep in their cave. “No, child, you are not.” Her mother answered simply. “Why?” “Tiamat did not will it so.” “Then I cannot be strong.” Raishan looked disappointed, for all she wished to be was just like her mother. “You are strong in a much different way, my Raishan, your mind is far larger and sharper than even mine.” The little dragon lifted her gaze at her mother’s words. “How will that help me fight?” “It will help you find ways not to fight. It takes a greater dragon to think her way out than constant violence. Now go to bed, child, the hour is late and your mother is tired.”_

She had, she’d thought and schemed her way this far. It was all she had, her mind. Her gift from her mother, though she doubted Mother would approve of the way she was using her skills. Her mother had been relatively peaceful for a dragon. She’d raised Raishan on that island, in the forest where those damned druids had come, had ruined everything…

_Her mother was warm. Even on the coldest winter nights, curled up against her mother’s flank, Raishan never knew chill. Her mother’s corpse was cold, and that had disturbed her the most. She’d wept over her body for three days and three nights._

Raishan never cried again. 

Monster, they called her, Deceiver, Murderer, Snake, Liar, Cursed… all titles she deserved. She wore them proudly, and knew none trusted her and she in return, trusted none of them. In these final moments of her life, however, a bolt of shock jolted her failing heart. No one would be waiting for her in the dark of the beyond, and none here would miss her. She would be remembered as a lying beast, an evil green dragon who deceived and was weak enough to be defeated by a group of mortal heroes. Was this what fear was?

_Raishan knew she couldn’t defeat Thordak, but this was her mother’s land, this was her land, and no self-proclaimed Cinder King would take it without a fight, weak from the curse as she was. But he’d told her he had a cure, but in return she’d serve him. It boiled her insides to be subservient to another, but if he had a cure? She wanted to live, so she’d agreed._

Damn him, Thordak, he’d lied to her. And he’d escaped her clutches, Vox Machina (damn them) had inadvertently saved his spirit from her claws. And now, she was going to die. It was almost ironic, that druid who loathed her so much, her hair was red.  
Infiltrating the Fire Ashari had been easy, ripping open the fire plane had been easy, coercing Vox Machina into helping her, easy. But in her heart of shriveled hearts, all she wanted was the cure. All she wanted was to go home and return to her island, to waste away in peace. She would never admit it, but Raishan was bad at lying to herself. 

And it turned out hammers hurt, only fitting that her life ended in a flash of pain before everything was gone. They’d gotten what they wanted, Melora got what she wanted, that cursed druid had gotten what she, in her dying moments, had wanted. Nobody would weep for her, nobody would avenge her, they would celebrate her downfall. She didn’t blame them. Funny, how death made her wiser than living ever did. It was so dark, and empty. Alone, finally defeated after centuries, she did the only thing she could think of to do…

Mother, are you there…?

**Author's Note:**

> *shyly peeks in* um, hello, how did y'all like it? 
> 
> If you wanna find me and yell about gay D&D characters, I'm @PlushieDeer on twitter


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